i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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