and you said cock pushups were impossible
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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