she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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