You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
