I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
