I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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