we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
