u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So apparently I’m into choking now
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
