You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Text me some of your sweat
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
