what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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