My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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