im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
