we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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