it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
