He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
