I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
