What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
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Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
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It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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