guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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