Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
