that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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