Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize