you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
