new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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