It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
