If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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