i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
