I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
