): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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