His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the day after is always just damage control
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
