dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
