Betty ford says i'm here all night
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
