he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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