I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I lost the right to judge tonight
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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