I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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