i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
