i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
