I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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