remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
