Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
