She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
