If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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