I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
