You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
