everyone is single if you try hard enough
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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