Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
