all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
