every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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