I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
