if only i could text you this smell
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
