when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
