70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
