Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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