nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
God, I missed his penis.
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