The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
