So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
