Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
