i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
