He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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