Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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