There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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