i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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