1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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