Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
