we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
