I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
