i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
