I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
