His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
