I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
