it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
