That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
